Sex in your 20’s is so much different to sex in your teens, and in my opinion, about 10 times better too. Sure at first it is all new and exciting but it can also be really clumsy and awkward. And for us girls in particular, we might not know what works for us or be too afraid to share that vital information. As a teen it’s quite often all about just letting the boy finish. I mean that’s all they teach you in sex ed.
I’ve come up with this list of all the different things you might not know about sex until you’re in your 20’s. Now I’m only 23, so I don’t claim to be an experienced expert, but I’m pretty content with my sex life and these are the things I’ve learnt so far. And the earlier you can learn these things the better your sex life will be, in my opinion.
1: Don’t be afraid to laugh. Sex isn’t serious, it doesn’t have to be all passion, and things go wrong, but they don’t matter. Laughing and messing around in sex can make it really fun and even more enjoyable.
2: Pubic hair is cute. When you’re younger you do tend to feel like everyone has to be completely bare down below, but do you know how difficult that is?! Balancing in the shower with a sharp razor near your most sensitive areas! It’s your choice, and there are plenty of in betweens. There’s no need to go completely bare OR full bush. Shave as little or as much as you like. And any man who actually cares isn’t worth your time.
3: Don’t be afraid to give yourself a hand. Many women find it difficult or impossible to orgasm from penetration alone. So don’t be afraid to use your hand during sex to really add to your own pleasure. Men find it hot too.
4: Give guidance. Everyone is different and it can be much easier to be open with your partner. Guide them as to what works for you and speak up. There’s no point waiting around for them to work it out when you can just tell them.
5: Learn for yourself. This brings me onto the fact that it’s a great idea to start touching yourself. Find out for yourself what works and what doesn’t so you can tell future partners.
6: Don’t be selfish. A selfish partner can make for terrible sex. The want to pleasure each other equally and share the experience makes it so much better.
7: Don’t worry about looking like a porn star. You really don’t have to pull out all the crazy moves, just do what feels right and is comfortable.
8: You don’t have to orgasm at the same time. If fact this can actually be pretty difficult to do. One persons orgasm doesn’t have to be the end. Go back to a form of foreplay to finish the other person off.
9: Libidos change. So many things can cause changes in libido, from stress to unhealthy food. Or sometimes even just with age. When they do change, respect your partner and don’t force anything. But also consider compromise. Even if you don’t feel like having sex you can still give your partner pleasure. But, of course, it’s up to you.
10: Close curtains and lock the doors. I learnt fairly early on that people can actually see in upstairs windows from across the street. Don’t forget to close the curtains, and if you live with house mates, locking the door is a good idea too.
11: Good sex can make a relationship. This might be a personal opinion, but sex is a big deal. Great sex with openness and communication can add so much to a relationship. I don’t think I could ever go back now.
12: Make noise. It doesn’t have to be full on screaming but little moans are super hot and tell your partner they’re doing it right.
13: They don’t really care about whatever you’re worried about. We all have insecurities, but really your partner probably cares very little about that cellulite or stretch marks on your thighs.
14: Practise makes perfect. It takes time to learn how things work and in a relationship, what works for your partner. Therefore, you need plenty of practise before you can know them inside out and learn all their little sweet spots. If things aren’t amazing first time, they’ll get better. First times aren’t usually the best.
15: There’s no rush. There’s really just no rush to have sex. Wait until you’re ready and have found the right person as it’s so much better with someone you can feel at ease with.
16: Try new things and be open minded. Things can get boring, especially if you’re having sex frequently with your partner. Sooner or later it’ll feel repetitive. But there are so many different things to try, and trying something once doesn’t hurt. If you find you dislike it just don’t do it again.
(If anal is on the cards as something you might want to try, take a quick look at my recent post for some tips before you make up your mind)
17: Don’t be afraid of lube and toys. Firstly never be ashamed to buy lube, even if you don’t need it, it can enhance everything and just improve sex. And toys are just a must try. Once you feel those vibrations you’ll never go back!
18: Try a pillow under your lower back. It lifts you up just that right amount to get the best angle.
19: Never fake an orgasm. Faking is one of the worst mistakes women make. It makes him think he’s doing it right meaning he won’t change and learn what really works for you. So you’ll end up stuck in this cycle of never getting pleasure. Just be honest with him. He has to learn your body.
20: Roll around and try ALL the positions. I have a short attention span in most aspects of life and I’ve never been one for staying in the same position throughout sex. Just keep mixing it up and experimenting. Rolling around is so much more fun than just lying there.
These are basically all the things I wish I could have told my younger self, so hopefully there’s some tips in there that’ll make some sex lives a little better. A good sex life leads to a happy girl!